Immediately after I met my wife to be, I decided never to air a radio talk in which I quote her, or talk about her, without first showing the talk to her. In five years she has asked me not to air, at most two, of my radio talks.
One talk I agreed should not be aired, the other talk I rewrote and she agreed that the rewrite made the point more clearly.
I respect my wife. Two people who marry often get married because they respect the other person. A marriage is a partnership, and that is often difficult for any two people who agree to share lives, decisions.
Here is a second example of the small compromises two people who are married must make.
I have always been a person who is ready to leave a social function first. I don’t go in for small talk and the social niceties. “Good seeing you again, when will we see you again?”
My wife believes in such matters. We should say a proper goodbye to people we know who were at a function with us. It doesn’t hurt to stay and talk, reestablish contact, she says. Make conversation, meet & greet & swap some stories about life.
We need to learn to compromise -- and we have learned to compromise, but it will always be difficult.
She still is one of the last to leave a social function -- and she vehemently disagrees with me. She is not the last to leave -- and she gives specifics: she was not the last to leave at such & such a function, and she was not the last to leave at this other function.
She is absolutely right. She has learned in several instances to accede to my predilection: it’s over. I want to go home now, my body says to her.
And I have learned to compromise. At some functions I do not try to leave early. She is right. We should say hello to these two, and we should catch up on the latest with that other couple over there.
I know she is right. I try to slow down the internal me who is always in a hurry. Her way is the correct way, and it often turns out to be a more pleasant way even for me. I enjoy it.
She points out to me that she has learned to hurry herself up -- and she has. I can see it. She moves more quickly at times -- and she does it against her inner nature. She’d rather move more slowly, but she feels I want her to hurry.
Small compromises, daily compromises, adjustments. They are so difficult for both parties, and yet married people must learn to compromise.
Copyright © 2004 Henry Morgenstein