Too often I find quotations to pass on to all of you that are depressing quotations. Here are a batch of funny quotations.
“The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.” Good advice is wonderful--but it is hardly ever of any use at the time that we get it. When we get the advice we are usually too twisted by the situation to use the advice--even though it is good advice. So pass it on--tell it to others. It won’t necessarily help them at that moment--but it may help them later--and it may help you at a later time. “The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.”
“Of all of God’s creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.” Cats are the most independent creatures in the world. You cannot force them to do anything. They will do it when and if they feel like doing it -- whatever it is. Cats cannot be made the slave of the lash -- and it would improve mankind -- that is a slave to so much -- work, other people, things -- to cross-breed it with cats -- however it wouldn’t improve cats to cross-breed them with people.
“A decision is the action an executive must take when he has information so incomplete that the answer does not suggest itself.” What a neat way to explain the burden of decision making. When answers are obvious, no decisions must be made--you just do what needs to be done. But when the information is so incomplete that no answer presents itself, you must make that thing called a “decision”--and that’s why we pay decision makers --executives in companies, so highly -- they are ready to make decisions based upon incomplete information.
“To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.” I hope you listeners are not angry at me for making such a large generalization about men & women. Remember, I am trying to find funny quotations. Of course the quotation is not totally true--and different men & different women act differently, nevertheless, the quote is funny--and somewhat true: “To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To understand a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.”
And let me end with one final quote about men & women. Again, don’t take this too seriously -- and yet it does utter a partial truth about men & women. “Sometimes I think the biggest difference between men & women is that more men need to seek out some terrible lurking thing in existence and hurl themselves upon it....Women know where it lives but they can let it alone.” In part the quote explains why men are shakers & movers: they seek out lurking things in existence & hurl themselves upon it.” Women, on the other hand, “know where it lives but they can let it alone.”
Let me give you all the quotes one last time -- so you can enjoy them without my tedious explanations. “The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never of any use to one’s self.” “Of all of God’s creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.” “A decision is the action an executive must take when he has information so incomplete that the answer does not suggest itself.” “To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.” “Sometimes I think the biggest difference between men & women is that more men need to seek out some terrible lurking thing in existence and hurl themselves upon it...Women know where it lives but they can leave it alone.”
Copyright © 2004 Henry Morgenstein