When people ask me what I do for a living I always hesitate a second. I don't like telling people that I teach English Composition. It's okay to say that I teach -- that is a prestigious job, but I hate telling people I teach English Composition. Probably eight out of ten people say they didn't like English Composition. Even I, an English composition teacher, had a hard time with English composition -- and that's because it is hard to say exactly what English composition teachers teach.
After all, we all know how to write before we come to an English composition class. We've written letters; we've written notes. What do English composition teachers teach -- and how do they grade what they teach?
They grade subjectively. We all know they do that. Every English composition teacher has a different idea as to what makes for a good essay. When I went to college I had no idea what the English composition teacher wanted from me. I would write and he would always tell me I got it wrong--and I never quite knew what he wanted from me. I was thoroughly confused and yet I tried very hard.
I'm on the other end of the equation now. Now I am the English teacher. Do I know exactly what I'm looking for in an essay? Well yes -- and no.
Why am I telling you all this? Because I just graded sixty student papers and I'm depressed and unsure of myself. I handed out a great many low grades because I didn't think my students worked hard enough at trying to say what they had to say in the best possible way. Some of the papers were too short; some of the papers were too simple; some of the papers contained too many grammatical errors. But how do I decide what grade to give a paper? How do I know how hard they worked? I felt so bad when I saw some of the looks on their faces. Some were shattered; some were angry; some were close to tears.
As a student I sometimes avoided a teacher. I didn't want him to know I cut class -- or I didn't want him to encounter me and ask me about my paper. I was embarassed. I never thought the roles could be reversed. Now, as a teacher, I don't want to encounter some of my students. I don't want to see how badly I made them feel.
Grading is one of the worst parts of my job. I want people to work hard --and I don't mind telling them what they did right or wrong, but giving people a grade is a painful process -- painful for me, painful for them.
But grades are an essential part of American education: if there were no grades, people would not work very hard. I know that my job involves grading -- praising & punishing. But I hate it, and in certain cases, I know they hate me for grading them.
Copyright © 2004 Henry Morgenstein